Looking Glass

2010-11-08T11:16:00.001+05:30

I came across this brilliant post called Doing business and doing good by C.L Gray.

Here is an excerpt from it. Social entrepreneurship is not complicated and focuses on a few simple ideas. For starters social entrepreneurship involves recognizing and addressing a social problem. Also, don't be fooled by the word social as social entrepreneurship looks to use all of the traditional principles of small business. These practices include solid management, effective marketing, and stable financial in order to become a viable business with a purpose. Lastly, in traditional businesses the benchmarks of success are usually measured in monetary outcomes (achieve $2 million in sales). Social enterprises measure their success in terms of the overall social impact that a project has produced (reducing area land waste by 25%).

You can view the complete article here

2010-10-05T02:47:00.001+05:30

Social media for social change

Social media has been a major boon to the social development sector as a whole. The biggest contribution it had made towards social change is that it has helped change the ‘kurta-jhola’ image that most people had about NGOs and social enterprises. But social media can harm organizations in two BIG ways if they are not careful. This is applicable to those organizations that work on on-ground projects and not on creating awareness alone.

Firstly, social media tends to disillusion organizations through the number of people it can reach out to. Organizations that are in a nascent stage sometimes tend to feel that they have accomplished a significant goal if they have managed to get __ number of people to join a group, like a cause or subscribe to a mailer. This is when you get those annoying Twitter updates that say “We are humbled to see the number of __ 000’s of people join hands with us in our fight against _______ in just 2 days”. Undoubtedly this is a huge milestone but the question to be asked is – what next? And there is a good chance that your audience is also asking the same question.

Secondly, the bigger problem is that the audience often feels that it has made its contribution towards social development if he/she has taken time to join a group or read a newsletter. This is a huge hindrance as feeling sad about a problem or felling passionate for a cause is often seen as contribution in itself. Fundraisers are thus very careful not to publish poverty-stricken pictures form their organizations’ album as it tends to put people in a sad mood which can often be a major deterrent to actually getting them to contribute. If people feel that they have made a contribution by just reading a newsletter, the whole purpose of sending out a newsletter gets defeated.

It’s important to keep in mind what your real goal is. Is it to create awareness alone? For which purpose social media works really well. Or is it to get people to contribute through on-ground initiatives? Social media is a brilliant tool but not an end in itself.

2010-07-21T13:57:00.003+05:30

When you are 20 something....

I just found an anonymous post that made sense to me. Its a great read!

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

2010-06-09T13:12:00.002+05:30

Vincent’s song by Don Mclean

As I read Vincent Van Gogh’s biography called Lust for Life by Irving Stone, the lyrics of this song mean more to me:

Starry, starry night
paint your palette blue and grey, look out on a summer's day
with eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills sketch the trees and the daffodils
catch the breeze and the winter chills in colors on the snowy linen land.

And now I understand what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.

They would not listen, they did not know how, perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night
flaming flowers that brightly blaze, swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue, morning fields of amber grain
weathered faces lined in pain are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

And now I understand what you tried to say to me and how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.

They would not listen, they did not know how, perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you but still your love was true and when no hope was left in sight on that starry
starry night.
You took your life as lovers often do;

But I could have told you Vincent
this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night
portraits hung in empty halls, frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met the ragged men in ragged clothes, the silver thorn of bloody rose
lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

And now I think I know what you tried to say to me, how you suffered for your sanity, how you tried to set them free.

They would not listen, they're not list'ning still
perhaps they never will.

2010-05-24T18:32:00.004+05:30

My experience of volunteering at Uttarakhand
Courtesy Alaknanda Renukuntla

Podcast from Alak Renu on Vimeo.

Mask

2010-03-31T22:28:00.000+05:30

"I wear you everyday, my mask. I carry your burden around and yet you steal from me my greatest virtue- my true self, my soul. I comfort myself by saying that without you, the world would look different to everyone who believes me to be their world. But the truth is that my own inner power scares me beyond measure, I am terrified of my own light. As a child I learnt to feel guilty for his failures and to pay by hiding my own self as I had to be the one thing that could make him happy. Even as I write, I am scared to bare my soul for my loved ones should not know that I too feel pain.

I am glad I met you, my soul. My life's mission is to shed that mask so my people can see the person that I am." Anonymous

War

2010-03-23T16:54:00.000+05:30

The concept of fighting a war is glorified in almost any place in the world. It is seen as the noblest thing one can do for their country. That statement is true as in war you give up everything that you have to offer to defend your land. But the question to ask is- at what cost?

My negativity towards the concept of war only grows with time. I believe that humanity is the first religion that binds the world. Nationality is only the second religion. When you hurt a nation, you hurt its people, a common man/woman, just like you and me.

There are so many living examples of war affected communities in the world. There are so many examples in India itself. There is an entire community in Delhi of women who had been widowed in the war with Pakistan. This is a community of Sikhs. The condition of this community was pathetic until the 1990’s when the women started to work to take the families forward. But most of these women ended up with jobs involving manual labor which paid them barely enough. The women came home feeling exhausted and frustrated and had the additional task of bringing up their children. The children on the other hand soaked in all the negativity and felt ignored and inadequately supported. That generation of children have now grown into drug addicts. Even now the community is filled with strong, heft Punjabi men collapsing on the road due to drug over dose. This is the case of a community that was affected by war almost 35 years back.

Little boys are conditioned at a young age to glorify war. A lot of new age toys consist of little plastic soldiers, dressed in a camouflage uniform, holding a very powerful gun, trying to defend his country. A lot of cultures bring up boys to believe that fighting a war is the ultimate goal of their life. They normalize the concept of extreme violence, bloodshed and death for their children and when the time is right, they are emotionally blackmailed to kill for their country.

I find it strange to believe that a nation would show its strength to the world by harming people of another country. The worst part of it is that the people most affected are the ones who have nothing to do with the war.

Let him be

2010-03-20T19:38:00.001+05:30

"The cub will grow into a lion some day and until then, just let him be." -anonymous

We need more entrepreneurs

2010-02-24T14:58:00.000+05:30

This is the first time I have understood what the lack of employment opportunities actually means. It brings with it the fear of not being able to meet basic needs the next day and a constant sense of frustration. As I live in the home of a family who is below the poverty line and as I meet more and more people from the village, I often hear the same words- Can you set up any type of industry here that requires unskilled labor?

Unemployment in Uttarakhand is rampant. I have met so many young people here who have completed their Bachelors Degree, Masters degree and a Diploma in something and still have to stay at home due to the lack of jobs. If at all they do land jobs, its normally manual labor. If they need a regular job that pays them decently to meet their basic needs (savings is a far away dream), they need to move to the city (where they normally work as a cook or driver) which brings with it a whole lot of expenses and also poor living and working conditions.

I often interact with young people in cities who tell me that they would like to be entrepreneurs but do not know if there is a need to start up. I can vouch that there is a need for more entrepreneurs. Imagine if more people came down to the villages and set up businesses/industries. They can be in the field of agriculture, design and absolutely any other field. Imagine if they were socially conscious businesses. You could actually change the world!!!!(no exaggeration)

Every entrepreneur has the power to change lives as he/she changes his/her own life. Its only the question of stepping up and leading!

Male dominated society

2010-02-24T14:35:00.000+05:30

As I visit people living here at Uttarakhand, one of the questions I frequently get asked is, “How many siblings do you have?”. When I reply by saying that I have one sister, the instant reaction is, “You don’t have a brother?”. When I say that I don’t have a brother, most of the women cringe. Some of the bolder women even say, “Those poor parents. They didn’t even get the comfort of having a son and have been cursed with daughters”. At this I explain to them that in cities both men and women work and earn and both sons and daughters are expected to take care of parents. They then look at me and say, “That is true. The people of cities are a lot more advanced”.

One of the things I see here is that people do not want to have a lot of kids. Most of them are happy with just one or two children. This might be a result of the acute food and water shortage in the region. But what I see is that parents here understand that each child comes with a lot of expenses and that the smaller a family, the easier it is to manage. I found them to be a lot more advanced in this respect than people from most other places, including Bangalore.

However, here the emphasis on having a son is very strong and people tend to have children until a son is finally born. This is the reason why some families here are large, including the ones in whose house I am staying here (they have 3 daughters and 1 son).

I find this strange because this region is dominated by women who earn for their families. The region has very few employment/entrepreneurial opportunities and so men mostly cannot find work here unless they decide to work at the city. But due to the bad living and working conditions, most men return soon after which they stay unemployed indefinitely. Men then often give in to alcohol and gambling. This is when the women of the house (mother and daugthers) stand up and fend for the family. Women here take up jobs in knitting and jobs related to manual labour.

I have met so many women here who are the sole bread winners of the family which makes me really question why they still give so much of an importance to a boy child and think of a girl child as a curse. I really wish they themselves would be able to see what happens in their own community.

Appropriate technology

2010-02-19T16:39:00.001+05:30

I am amazed at how well Grassroots has understood the use of appropriate technology to empower their target community.

They are helping people build bio-gas plants to control afforestation and so women don't have to go in search of firewood everyday and in their spare time they knit sweaters which are marketed by Grassroots.

Their sanitation project uses the least water possible and is so sustainable that each project will last them 100 years!

Their housing project uses local products mainly which also gives employment to many of their locals

Its amazing to see how they understand the needs of the people and the offering of the region! Appropriate technology is the mantra here!

Youth of the nation

2010-02-17T08:44:00.000+05:30

I met Hemant Singh, a 22 yr old guy at Chilagaon. Chilagaon is a tiny little village situated in the Almora district of Uttarakhand. Hemant has completed his BSc and presently he is doing a Diploma in Pharmacy and BA simultaneously. He spends 4 hours a day traveling to and fro his college. He takes tuition's for the children in his village. He is a table player, a painter, works in the fields in his village and uses social media! But the most amazing thing about him was how friendly and welcoming he was. He took us around the village and explained a lot of details about the village to us. You can see a picture of him showing me the strawberry that he has sowed.

He loves being in the village but there are absolutely no jobs there nor are their good agricultural lands to work on in the village due to the climate change. So like all other young people in the village, he too will have to leave his village in search of employment.

It’s amazing to see his interest in finding solutions for his village. I hope the city is able to understand his brilliance inspite of all his struggles and is kind and fair to him!

Climate change in Chilagaon

2010-02-16T21:16:00.000+05:30

For those of you who don’t know, I am at the moment at Uttarakhand on the outskirts of a small hill station called Ranikhet. I am here on a volunteering assignment with an NGO named Grassroots.

The first week of my visit is an orientation to what Grassroots and its sister concern Umang does. As a part of the orientation, I visited 2 neighboring villages about 20 kms from here called Chilagaon and Bhauri.

The entire village looked really dry. On asking I found out that the water level in the villages has dropped considerably over the last few years. The major reasons are afforestation for firewood needed for cooking. Also, the state government had asked the villagers to plant eucalyptus which the government would buy at a high price. Eucalyptus and Pine use up a lot of the ground water hence leave the surroundings dry. The villagers had planted eucalyptus but by the time the trees had grown, the government had changed and the new government refused to purchase the eucalyptus. Now, the forest department has made it illegal for cutting down of trees which are not within the boundary wall their home. The villagers are stuck now with water consuming trees in a dry region.

We saw a number of bio-gas plants while we were there. In the village of Chilagaon, there were 10 houses which had bio gas plants. The cost of a small plant is typically 7000INR but Grassroots provides a large number of construction material and transportation for those material for free due to which the cost to every villager is about 2000INR.

Many of the villagers explained to us how it worked. A basic bio gas plant is able to produce enough gas to provide them for a part of their cooking. They still depend on firewood for a lot of their needs. During winter especially, the bio gas produced is less hence during winter they mainly depend on firewood.

On asking one of the villages who had been using the bio gas plant for 3 years about the impact of the plant, he told me that typically one village household requires 4 trees worth of firewood in a year and due to the afforestation, the water levels have reduced considerably and there is hardly any rain in a year. But those houses which have bio gas plants need to use wood equivalent to 1 tree in the year as a large part of the cooking can be done using the bio gas plants. Hence, bio gas plants help in controlling afforestation and the effect of climate change to some extent.

Though bio gas plants the villagers are able to reduce the smoke that comes out of firewood which is good for them and the environment. Bio gas cooks food almost 75% faster than firewood. He also mentioned how bio gas has helped the women by freeing them of the chore of wood collection. Typically a Pahadi woman has to walk about 3 kilometers in search of firewood and has to carry the wood for a long distance. I met a few Pahadi woman a few days back who were carrying wood and they explained to me about how painful and cumbersome the process of wood collection is. According to one of those women, a Pahadi woman’s life is a waste cause she spends all her time doing cumbersome tasks and then has to take care of the family. So bio gas has helped the woman of Chilagaon as they now have more time in their hands which they spend on knitting sweaters for Umang (Grassroots’ sister concern) for which they are able to earn a small amount.

Not many of the villagers were aware of the effects of afforestation, the youth there especially did not see the correlation between afforestation and climate change.

My plans for 2010

2010-01-31T13:29:00.000+05:30

I am looking at 2010 being a year of unstructured learning for me. I am not looking at a taking up a full-time job/course this year.

My plans are:
Travel:
I will be visiting:
- The Uttarakhand region (12th Feb to mid March). I am taking up an internship at Grassroots for a month during which I will also be travelling the region. this is less than two weeks away!!!
- Agra (mid-March)
- Kerala (March end)
- Auroville (it’s the mandatory annual visit in April)
- Nepal (have not set a date for this one as yet!)

I have a friend joining me for the first week of my Uttarakhand visit. I am looking for more travel partners. Let me know if you want to join in on any of my plans or visit any other place.

Take up courses:
I am taking up the Management Program for Women Entrepreneurs at IIMB from April to May. I am bloody excited about this one! I would love to do another course once this one is over.

Make plans:
I am keen on studying further. I am looking for a good course that combines social work and management. I have found a few but they don’t look that great. One of my goals for this year is to find the course I am looking for and apply for it.

Work on my venture:
Most of you know that I have been working at Grassroutes for over a year now.
I will be moving in full-time this year (I have not decided which month). There is a whole lot that I want to do so I am not defining my role here now.

I am looking at starting my next venture also which will support young entrepreneurs/social workers who plan to start ventures that are needed for development that are run as social businesses (profits are ploughed back into the business). I want to provide mentoring support as well as support related to knowledge required to run a business. Towards the middle of the program the young person will be paired with a mentor who will be a leader in the industry.
One of my goals this year is to study different organizations that provide such support to create my own plan for the same.

So those are my plans for the year. I am excited about my 23rd year!

Interview with Youth Ki Aawaz

2010-01-31T13:16:00.000+05:30

Here is the interview with Youth Ki Aawaz about Grassroutes and here is a snippet:

Young people can contribute a lot but most importantly, such work contributes to the young person and lays the foundation for very powerful work in the years to come.

It’s a great feeling to know that more young people are finding ways to get involved in social action through Grassroutes. It’s also amazing to see the sensitivity that such a fellowship brings to the person and how wonderfully it translates into the smaller aspects of the fellow’s life, be it in noticing the details, being sensitive to people or going that extra mile to help someone in need.

Balloons- a child's best friend

2009-12-21T17:38:00.000+05:30

Below is an article written by my friend, Vivek Dham, on one of his experiences of being a mentor to a child named Sandeep (14 years) from an orphanage named Vishwas in Bangalore.

It was Sandeep's (my mentee at Vishwas) birthday last Friday (18th Dec). I wanted make it special for him but did not want to separate him out and leave the other lovely kids of Vishwas alone. So I decided to have a general party at Vishwas where all kids can have fun. I took along a big cake for all of them and lots of balloons.

Now, the story of the balloons. Blowing the balloons in itself is a great activity. Interesting to see different kids having their own style of blowing them :-). And of course, the missiles that fly around when a half blown balloon slips out...isn't that so much fun? :-)...I am sure the kids were doing that on purpose ;-)....The bigger kids initially told me we should tie the balloons on the walls so that the smaller kids would not burst them. But I told them that's exactly what they love to do, they should do that. So we just scattered all of them on the floor and called all the kids. It was so amazing to see all of them getting so excited with the balloons. They kicked they, tossed them, thrashed them around :-)...of course within 10-15 minutes all the balloons were gone, as warned but the kids. But I felt every bit was worth it. I had thought the kids would be more excited about the cake but to my surprise all they wanted to do was play with the balloons. In fact some bit of cake was even left over :-).

Isn't it amazing that a simple thing like a balloon can bring so much excitement in us? Just last night I was out for dinner with my family and my niece had a balloon in her hand. Another kid on the adjacent table saw it and so madly started insisting on having a balloon that they had to come and ask us if they could have it for some time (which we did). Not just kids, even we elders have our fascination for balloons don't we?

This made me think, what is it in the balloons that makes them so attractive, so exciting to play with? Is it the fact that they are so gentle that you can afford to show ALL your anger on them and still get away with out getting hurt? What is the first thing most people do with balloons? Isn’t it punch them up in the air and watch them slowly coming back to you? Yes, what ever you do to them they come back...slowly but steadily drifting back to you... aren't they the best friends we can have? This was the first thought that came to my mind seeing the balloons today. If you guys have any thoughts about what makes them such a pleasure to have please share it :-)

2009-12-19T20:05:00.001+05:30

Here is a response by my friend Milan Shamsuddeen Beeru on Seth's question- what do you think matters the most in the coming year?

What matters the most? A deadly question I must say. It leaves alot to perception of each individual who answers it. To a selfish person it is him or what he holds dear that matters the most. To the opposite kind it would be others or something worldly which matters the most.

What matters the most for me? They say and I quote "A picture is worth a 1000 words". Looking at the world right now I wonder the number of people who have spoken thousands of words to draw this picture.

What if the few amongst us start modifying the picture drawn. Make it look like the green, the blue or whatever colour we want to be surrounded by. Anything except the red. In the movie, The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers, when Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas are chasing the Orcs who got their friends, Legolas says that, "The sun shines red, There has been blood spilt tonight" (forgive if there are any mistakes). This got me thinking, how many of us have seen the sight of a red sun? I have seen lots. Not sharing examples as you do live in the same world as I do.

So what if we start painting a picture, if not for us, atleast for a bright future which is not the colour red. I think enough blood has been shed by our forefathers and us to make Earth a better living place. So lets start making one. Change the picture we have painted. That matters the most to me...

2009-12-16T23:01:00.001+05:30

Seth Godin gets us thinking: 'What do you think matters now, the most?' (say, in the upcoming new year). It could be anything from changing your lifestyle to changing the world.

My answer: following childhood dreams.

The reason why childhood dreams are so important is because as children we dreamed 360 degrees. Our childhood dreams not only talk about what career path we want to chose but also the sort of life we want but most importantly they talk about the kind of people we want to grow into.

They tell us if we want to be at a desk job or be a sailor, be in love or be madly in love, drink road-side tea or drink tea in a cup and saucer, have one best friend or ten best friends, make a difference to the world or change it completely, be a good person or be the best person ever, see the city or the whole world and the list goes on…

Childhood dreams are the closest to perfection that one can ever be and the best part is that they always end with … and they lived happily ever after.

PS: this note is inspired by a little dreamer who made me smile at the simple things in life!

Relationship patterns after CSA

2009-11-19T02:52:00.000+05:30

Below is an article written by a warrior of CSA about awareness of adult relationship patters for a survivor of CSA. She will be posting articles on my blog over the next few weeks.

I recently got hold of a resource on child sexual abuse. It’s a workbook designed for warriors of CSA to help them understand them better as well as identify aspects where they need help.

One of the first modules that I came across was about how CSA affects relationships. A warrior of CSA often gets into the same kind of relationships that resemble their childhood experiences. It a common occurrence for people to get into abusive relationships. This is especially true about romantic relationships. A person who has experienced CSA has five times the risk of entering into abusive relationships than someone who has not had that experience. The abuse element can be physical, sexual or emotional and each of them can be very damaging.

Over conversations with a few warriors, many admitted that they tend to recreate the same environment around them that is similar to their childhood experience. A example is to accept abuse from their partner. The other is creating an environment around oneself that leads to abuse. Many warriors tend to sabotage their relationships which take them back to their bad experiences. Constantly engaging in one-night stands, finding reasons to avoid sexual activity as well as being over controlling during sex, having a feeling of being used (even when that is not factually true) and feeling dirty after sex are a few other experiences that people often have. One needs to understand that these are normal responses to bad experiences.

The person however, is not aware of the pattern in these relationships while engaging in them. He/she tends to sometimes feel that this is the way all relationships are and sometimes they are affected badly by their poor self-image that is an outcome of CSA. These relationships remind the person of the childhood experience and are extremely damaging to a person.

A warrior needs to ask himself/herself if their present relationship makes them feel the way they did after the abuse.

Are we bonding or getting trapped?

2009-10-25T20:59:00.000+05:30

This article is written by a concerned friend of many who fight their horrors of child sexual abuse. The reason I am putting this post up is because child sexual abuse has its effect on many people and not just the survivor. The author has shared his views on the reason for child sexual abuse and the impact of the same on those who have been abused.

One of the most basic problems man fights against is the problem of loneliness. He needs to bond, he needs to feel that he is part of not just himself but part of this world, part of others around him. Failure to bond makes him desperate, frustrated, lost...lonely. Is there something worse than this feeling of loneliness? Yes, bonding with the wrong person, a person you do not want to be a part of or rather a person whose part you would never want.

One of the many ways man uses to get rid of his loneliness is his sexual desires, sexual attraction ,sexual instincts. Sex is not just an act to satisfy your basic instincts (like eating or sleeping) but it's a very strong act of bonding. It forces a union of two souls, its a process of giving and receiving. And in this process both the souls leave a part of themselves with the other and this really bonds them together. This makes a human being feel that his life is meaningful...by bonding, with the person he wishes to be a part of, with that part of the world he associates with.

If the right kind of bonding is so critical in a human being's life, it goes without saying that the wrong kind of bonding can be equally impacting. In this case its more like getting trapped rather than getting bonded as it leaves behind a lifelong bad memory.

But we all know this happens all the time, everyday, all around us. One of the forms of this act is the child sexual abuse. Be it being molested by an elderly relative in the absence of parents or by a stranger sitting next to you in the bus. It's really shocking to see how 'common' it is. I myself was really surprised to find out how many of my friends around me have actually experienced sexual abuse themselves (believe me, most of them). And how many of these uncles or strangers in the bus actually are questioned? How many of the victims actually talk about it? IF we know and understand the kind of impact it has on our lives, what makes us say "It happens all the time" and push it under the carpet? We choose to ignore it, just let it be. Why?

Notice the big IF there? IF we know and understand the impact it has... unfortunately I think most of us don't. We don't even understand the importance of love in our lives. Even if we do we don't know how to express it. The child is totally unaware of what happened to him/her until the act of abuse has already effected him from deep within. And even after that he is so hesitant to talk about it to anybody simply because his mind has been blocked to think it is taboo talking about such things. What will his parents say? what would his friends think about him? We have built up a system where our minds are so blocked that we cannot think for ourselves. We blindly follow what others say or do. Since nobody is talking about it I should also keep quite, since its an elder who has done it to me it must be OK (after all elders are always right, aren't they)....Why can't we say NO, we can't accept this???

How can we change this attitude of just letting it go, just pushing it under the carpet even if that means losing an important part of us? How do we make ourselves aware of our own feelings? Because deep within we all know what's wrong and right for us. Is there some way we can open up our minds, think on our own and really feel ourselves?

Unlike some animals, humans are not born with most of the knowledge. They need to be taught most of the things after birth. Right from our daily activities (walking, talking, eating...) to our feelings, we learn things based on our experiences and observations. If this is true can we humans be taught to open up our minds? can every child be taught to think on his own and feel for himself what's right and what's wrong? Our present education system does exactly the opposite. It encourages us to stop thinking and follow others. It stops us from observing and questioning. We lose the capacity to feel ourselves. Can this be changed? Can we learn to say NO to what we really don’t' want or to what we know will harm us or anybody else for that matter? Can we stop shying away from talking about things we don't want in this world we live in?...say 'No'...after all it's our world, it's our life. We need true bonding, true love. Not more traps

PS: Hats off to few people who have understood their own feelings and have decided to not just fight for it but also help others fight it. One such heroic instance is captured in the following link
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/06/04/cnnheroes.betty.makoni/index.html

Easier to run

2009-10-11T22:03:00.000+05:30

This story is about the sexual abuse of a little woman. This story may contain triggers that may emotionally affect a survivor of sexual abuse. .

Girl, thank you for trusting me with your story.

Please note the following: the man we are talking about is 30 years older than her. The word ‘penis’ has been replaced with the word ‘love’ as that is what he used to call it.

Little One,

I am the shadow of your future and I have so much to tell you - the world is a big place full of ups and downs. It can be hell but you will feel magic. Many times, you will be the one to cast the spell. Most nights when you cry yourself to sleep, blaming yourself for all things wrong, believe that it is not your fault. Loving is a virtue and no matter how badly you get hurt, learn to move on. You become the princess you've always wanted to be - and despite the scars, you will find many, many people in debt to you.

People will tell you time and again that you wear shoes of a much older person - perhaps you were gifted with more intelligence. You will become condescending because of it but you will soon realize, your perceptiveness is what others see in you as your maturity. Even at 6, you will have older men think you love and understand them in a way that no one else would. It doesn't matter that his breath smells of the liquid your father told you is the "adult juice that children should not drink". Does it make him bad? No, you will decide. You have always loved him and would do anything for his attention. Someday you wish to be married to him. He doesn't treat you like a child - it makes you angry that everyone else does.

You love him even more when the two of you go off on adventures to slay the monster that has been attacking all the fairies in town. You defeat all the monsters. You and he are the stuff that legends are made off. And like all fairy tales, there has to be a wedding. You're all dolled up and ready to walk down the aisle towards your happily ever after. Life as you know it would end - that much the world and the adults would teach you.

After the ceremony where the tree lord anoints you man and wife, you will turn to him in your excitedness, hug him and peck him on the cheek. What a bold step that would seem to you - so scandalous. You will be proud of yourself. And then he will carry you to your room. Kings and Queens sleep on the same bed.

You will be so thrilled it'll be hard for you to sleep. You will be lying in his arms and looking into his eyes. This floating feeling in your heart - that's what love is.

He will reach out to hold you. He will trace outlines on your cheeks and slowly on your lips and he will slowly kiss you. You will draw back. Mummy and Daddy always change the channel when the uncles and aunties on tv do it. You panic thinking this is wrong while gradually his kissing becomes more forceful. He's nibbling on your lips and you feel his tongue in your mouth. THIS IS WRONG - the voice in your head will yell. But it feels good.

Slowly his hands go up your shirt and then he will hold your hand in that same loving way that he does when you go searching for flowers in the summer - the best days of the year. He will continue looking into your eyes and smiling. Despite the dull throb in your head, you can't help but forget your thoughts. You will tell him you love him and will always love him. He will tell you he loves you and he will tell you that he will show you how much.

He will take your hand and put it on a private part. While you were looking longingly in his eyes he had taken off his clothes. He will be naked and you will remember thinking that mummy would have said "shame shame" if she had seen him like this. But you love him and he shows you how the more you love him, the larger he will get. He will tell you that to prove that you love him you will have to rhythmically caress him until the force of his love will make him cry out. You will whimper because you are scared and because it is the first time, he will guide you. Soon he will start breathing harder.

He will pinch you and kiss you and bite you and you will feel the pain and you will do nothing but cry silent tears. Before you know it, he will take off your clothes too and start rubbing himself against you. You are hurting all over and very soon something sticky will be clinging to your body and he will fall down exhausted.

Your heart would have stopped beating. You will feel yourself out of your body. And since you have no shame left, you will escape from him and run to the bathroom. You will stand in front of your mirror and notice all the bites and scratches. You will notice mummy's special bleach on the top most shelves. You will climb up the WC to get it, falling, falling, falling as you reach for it. You will put some in a cup and wash yourself. The marks will not go. The scars will not heal. You will still feel his mouth all over your body. You will wash yourself till you fall down exhausted. Mummy, Daddy will find you. They will look shocked. Mummy will start crying. She will ask you what happened. You remember that the only one who loves you and treats you right is sleeping in the next room - a guest. You will lie because you love him and he showed you how much he loved you. You will say that you fell off the bicycle. They believe you and ground you from using your one piece of freedom. You will accept it. That's what people do for people they love - make sacrifices.

You are SIX and it is not your fault. But this and the countless other similar experiences with other people you have loved will play for years and years in your head. The wounds will run so deep that it will never show and it will never go away. You will hate yourself and you will hate your body. You will hate men and because of that you will try to change your appearance. Perhaps if you were like a man, others will not show you the hardness of their "love". It will not work. In fact, it will excite people more. You comfort eat, become plumper and plumper. At 12, you will look like you're 16. Men will line up for you wanting you to show them the way of love. You continue hating yourself.

But you were six. and then seven. and then eight. and then nine and the years slowly become a blur. You are 16 and you've pushed most of these incidents to the back of your mind. You are numb. You chase away people who truly love you. You will realize that it is easier to run away. Love has been treacherous. And you will find one who will respect you and ask you to hold your hand. He will put the magic back in life and show you how to reach through the highly fortified walls around your heart. You will start experiencing everything again through the eyes of the child. You will learn to forgive God. You will realize that because of your experience, you are who you are today - one who is reaching out to children by the 100s - hearing their stories of abuse. Helping them say no the way you finally said no. Loving them in a way their abusers never did. And you will show them that it is not their fault. And in doing so they will show you it was never your fault.

Suddenly you will find that at 21, you would have found yourself and life again. You, along with the other survivors of abuse will shake up the world and make it safe again.

It has never been anyone's fault. You are beautiful to the depths of your heart. Your scars are beautiful and the world needs to share in it for closure. In that, find strength.

To that 6 year old me - You are not ugly. You are loved.

This extraordinary lady was courageous enough to confront this man. To me she stand out as an epitome of courage and womanhood. Thank you for being who you are and thank you for being so beautiful!

If any of you have questions or would like to say something to her, you can comment on this (with your name or as an anonymous comment. Also, she views my blog regularly so she will read it) or you can mail them to me so I can forward them to her.

At the movies

2009-10-05T22:31:00.000+05:30

We were in the middle of a traffic signal when Rakesh took me by surprise by what he said. “I have made a life changing decision. I don’t want my post to be anonymous on your blog”.

This post is the story of child sexual abuse of a friend of mine whose name is Rakesh Kumar.

I was about 11 years old when this incident happened. I decided to go to the neighborhood cinema hall all alone. I always loved watching movies and TV from very close space. The idea of movies best enjoyed from the last seat hadn't impressed upon me yet. Since it was some weekday mid-morning show of a flop movie there were not many people in the hall. All of them were sitting in the last except me and this other guy. When the movie started he signaled to me and asked me to sit in the seat next to his. I went and sat there and he made some small talk. Then he took my hand and made me hold something. I asked him what it was and he laughingly said "My Penis". I was so startled and somehow managed to get rid of him and move to a different section. Even though the incident was for a minute, it was still disgusting and shook me.

Somehow that incident was buried deep inside my memory tunnel. When some of my friends were talking about the issue of Child Sexual Abuse, it all came back. Initially I feigned ignorance and did not talk about it while my friends shared about their experience. I did not understand why i was feeling guilty and not willing to share it with my closest group of friends. Somehow i got over it and was willing to share. The sharing helped me to get over the guilt factor.

Even to share it at this forum I think twice. But I am sharing here hoping that it will help more people share and eventually more people can get closure.

He amazes me with his courage! I hope that many of you who have similar stories will be able to speak more openly about it after reading this post.

Cheers to you Rakesh for being who you are! and on a lighter note “Long Live Revolution”!!!

Supplication by Yusuf Sami

2009-09-22T23:33:00.000+05:30

Oh my Lord,
My sins are like the highest mountain.
My good deeds are very few,
They are like a small pebble.

I turn to you,
My heart full of shame,
My eyes full of tears.

Bestow your forgiveness and mercy upon me.

Yah Allah,
Send your peace and blessings
Upon the final Prophet,
And his family,
And companions,
And those who follow him.

This song is magical! I am amazed at how he says such a powerful prayer in such simple words. I have always been a fan of very simple writing, the kinds that truly communicates universally and this song definitely does this.

The most beautiful part of the song is how he portrays his true self to the world through this song. There is no romance, no exaggeration, its honest and real. He has the courage to use words like “me “ and “I” throughout the song which makes it his prayer and not a general prayer for world peace. This song perfectly describes what I feel so often.

Birthdays’ are so special

2009-09-22T00:16:00.000+05:30

All my life I found the concept of celebrating a birthday pretty ridiculous and slightly embarrassing. I didn’t understand why the world partied as I aged! Even as a child I hated birthday parties, especially mine.

But recently I came to understand the importance of birthday’s in other people’s life through two experiences.

I have been a mentor at the Dream Mentoring program since April 2009. My mentee’s name is Shruti and is 16 years old. The mentoring relationship with her has taught me much more than I could have ever imagined. When I signed up for mentoring, I had no idea that a few weeks later she would mean so much to me and would end up teaching me so much.

She celebrated her 16th birthday on 17th September, 2009. I had been making huge plans for her special day. I thought I would surprise her at her home, or send her a few cards through the day and do many other things for her through the day. She leads a very busy schedule of computer classes, a job and evening college so meeting her over the week is close to impossible. I had tried all possible ways to give her a surprise by meeting her for some time, but in the end nothing seemed to work. I finally just gave up and decided to meet her over the week end.

But to my surprise, she requested to see me for two minutes through the day. She dropped by the office for a very short while just so I could wish her. I still remember the moment when I got to know that she requested to see me. I was thrilled! It was a lovely feeling to know that she wanted me to be a part of her life and a part of her special day!

I ran out of office in search of a cake. I only found a few muffins, so I picked them up. At office she cut the cake and celebrated with us. Standing next to her as she cut her cake helped me understand why my birthday is so important to people around me. I understood the joy, the pride and the love that my parents and sister would have felt as they realized that as each year passed, I was growing up. That moment was so special for me.

The second realization happened the next day when Venkatesh, one of the children we work with, came all the way to our office (which is about 9 kilometers from his home) in the rain to inform us that he would like to celebrate his birthday on 6th October, 2009 at our office with us. He actually stood waiting at our office for an hour before he could inform us as we were in a meeting. He ended up spending the whole of that day at our office!

So after 22 years I finally realize why people celebrate their birthday.

Young entrepreneurs need support

2009-08-01T20:47:00.000+05:30

This to me is the first part of the process of entrepreneurship:
1. Most young entrepreneurs think of an idea in the middle of their daily chores.
2. They get excited about it
3. They find ways to put it into action.

What makes an entrepreneur stick with his/her idea depends largely on how much fun the third step- taking action is. No doubt it is a struggle and that will never change but what matters is if the struggle empowers or disempowers you. If it empowers you, you go to the next stage, if not, you become cynical about entrepreneurship and to a large extent you start doubting yourself.

I remember being a part of so many very inspiring conversations at the college canteen. Lots of people spoke about the different organizations that they want to lead, the work they want to do and the world they want to change. They soon spoke to me more specifically about how to take action and they found that one person who believed in that idea. But when it cam to the process of laying out research plans, business plans and marketing strategies, it seemed overwhelming and I saw so many ventures die at that stage.

This is where support becomes critical to any young person. It can make a world of difference to have someone believe in you and give you snippets of the wisdom that they have gathered over the years.

It’s as simple as that. All we need is people willing to share their knowledge and process and tell you that “you can change the world”.

Just imagine if a website existed that had created a to-do list for ventures in different fields that was built by entrepreneurs who had done that work before and are willing to mentor.

I believe we need an organization that can tell you the different things that you need to do, match you to your dream mentor and provide you the space to work on this. There are many such organizations in India today doing similar work but I know there is a need for a lot more.

Expectations from a new mentor

2009-08-01T20:38:00.000+05:30

I recently got a call from someone I worked with a few years back. She was extremely worried as she was in the process of starting up her venture – A student training organization in soft skills aimed towards appreciating the individuality of children, to encourage differential thinking and to make learning fun. Her cause is very close to my heart.

She had recently quit her job and a few days later got ditched by the ones who were to partner with her in the venture. Like all early entrepreneurs, she too was feeling stressed about how she would make the money, get new people on board and at the same time develop a magical product.

The one thing I realized when I met her was that when you are starting your venture you absolutely need a mentor that you trust and there are three things that you need to hear from that mentor:
1. I believe in your cause
2. I believe in your ability to follow through your cause
3. I am a call away whenever you need anything or if you just want to talk

The other thing that you need is a proactive mentor. Someone who will call/message/email you before you can call him/her in the initial stage of the mentoring relationship just to bounce off good ideas. One of the things that I find myself often stuck with is that sometimes I don’t have any specific help to ask for. On an average I see myself asking my mentor for specific help about four-five times in a year over long, engaging and thought-provoking sessions but I often feel lost about this relationship during the other times of the year.

A mentor must be able and willing to connect you up with other people. I think the willingness bit is more important here. But once you believe in your mentee enough, you won’t mind connecting him/her with your contacts.

It helps to have a mentor who has done similar work before. This makes the suggestions more specific and reduces the risk of ambiguity.

Ask your mentee what he/she wants out of the relationship but don’t insist on too much structure or perfect objectives. It’s very stressful to come up with a list of exact things that you need form a mentor.

The mentor should let go and trust the mentee on taking the best decision. This is something I have learnt from a three amazing people who have helped me a lot. One thing to remember is don’t ask for or expect follow up on what you tell your mentee. It’s their choice on what they want to do.

Is Masculinity the only way to lead?

2009-07-31T00:08:00.000+05:30

I have recently started following feminist movements. They leave me with a lot of appreciation for those few revolutionary women, who were uncompromising about their stand in society. To be able to understand that men and women are equal and neither is less or more than the other, at times when everybody around you finds you inferior, is definitely nothing less than revolutionary.

But the one thing that troubles me about them is that a lot of these movements are about women pretending to be like men in order to get an equal stand in society. Without naming any such movements, I find it very heart breaking to see movements aimed at woman empowerment that teach a woman that she needs to dress, behave and think like a man in order to be strong, powerful and be taken seriously as a leader.

Leadership is often mistaken to have masculine connotations. I often see women around me believe that in order to be in power one must act like a man. A woman must take decisions like men would. Women should wear the same expression that a man in her place would. But I wonder how any of this leads to empowerment of a woman. I believe that such movements achieve quite the opposite. Instead of acknowledging women for who they are, they turn women into men and then provide them opportunities to lead. I wonder how we believe that we can empower all womankind by teaching them to behave like men? That to me is the highest level of creating a male chauvinistic society.

Women themselves should start changing their perspective on the relationship between feminism and being a leader. There are so many examples in history to prove this.

I am not sure what the feminine way to lead is. I am still figuring it out through my experiences. But from my limited experience I understand that it has a lot to do with leading by your personal strengths. I particularly like the second generation managerial women who unlike the first generation managerial women, have not adhered to the “correct” way of leading but are able to discover their own strengths to be able to create change. They are successful because of the many feminine qualities that they have like trusting instincts, being able to drive a group towards performance by buying into the larger picture, understanding that personal life problems affect work, being nurturing and so many other qualities.

We each have our special gifts to help us lead. It’s ridiculous to see so many women around me come to a position of power and try to behave like a man would in the same situation. What are we doing then? We are creating world where we are replacing a man with a woman and then trying to find equality in the world. We are discounting the female strength. We need to understand that the feminine way is a way to lead. It’s a very good way to lead.

You can also view the article published on Sa- she speaks here

Damaged goods

2009-07-06T17:55:00.000+05:30

My article at Savadati called Damaged Goods

Signs

2009-07-05T23:50:00.000+05:30

The universe gives you the signs to go out there and follow your dream.
It’s strange because you don’t expect it.
It’s exciting because you don’t know what it will make you do.
Its’ scary cause you don’t know where it will lead you.
But it’s what makes you live again and again in one life.

Powerful experiences

2009-07-05T23:41:00.000+05:30

I have been at Grassroutes since November 2008. We launched our 2009 edition (formally our first edition) in April 2009. As a part of the road-trip we put together a two days residential program filled with inspiration, learning and bonding called Grassroutes Day 0 for our fellows. After a lot of emails exchanged, calls made and a hell lot of last minute work, we finally had it in place.

The two days were phenomenal and filled with stories, vision for the world and plans to make a difference. For me the second day of Day 0 was exceptional. There were two speakers in specific that really moved me - Vishal Talreja (Dream A Dream) and C Sharada Prasad (Arghyam).

They spoke about their life, their stories, their successes and hard ships. Both had a different story but they had something in common- they experienced something very powerful that made them do what they are doing today.

C Sharada Prasad shared the story of his 92 day long road-trip across the country the water problems of India’s people. CSP (for those of you know him) has a very blatant and honest style of presenting facts. He spoke of his experiences of floods and the devastation it caused and the effect of corruption in our system. We often don’t realize but even our smallest actions, good or bad, can change someone’s life. It’s scary and unfair to think that someone in our country suffers so greatly when we have it all.

Vishal spoke about his idea of a non-discriminatory world, his experiences of working with children and his victories and failures. He told us about the power of happiness and how that has the power to change the world. He shared perspectives on the lives of an under privileged child in our country and that there is so much more that we need to do.

Day 0 left me thinking about the work that I do. It reinforced in me the power of Grassroutes and the need for a large scale movement to sensitize the youth of the country. What makes CSP of Vishal make such a huge impact on the world is the early experiences that they have had in life and that is exactly what Grassroutes does. However, we believe in taking it a step further. Grassroutes is not just about experiencing the world but also taking your first step towards changing it. I believe we need to get the youth involved if we plan to change the world at any time. Just imagine if 20,000 young people got to have powerful experiences like a Grassroutes Fellowship Program, better still just imagine if 1 million young people got to experience it. Imagine if they saw the struggles of people, shared those stories and worked on finding solutions for them.. Where would our country be today???? We need a mass movement towards sensitization and leveraging the power of young people…

Words of wisdom

2009-06-19T17:48:00.000+05:30

During an intense conversation, I was given two words of wisdom from a wise man and a wise woman about living my dream:

Ask yourself- Do I have the courage to give up everything, including my whole life, for my cause?

When I find reasons for not living my dream, it’s because deep inside I do not completely believe in that dream and because that is not what my heart truly wants. When I can beleive enough in my cause and see the need for it, no constraint is big enough to keep me from living it.

I am thinking…

How do you help someone?

2009-06-18T00:15:00.000+05:30

I had written about a young adult named Teju a few weeks ago.

Just to give you a little background, Teju is 18 and is an orphan. He recently quit his job at a restaurant and has no home to go back to or a job to help him pay for himself now. I met him about a month back at a theatre workshop and he continuously kept asking me for a job. I ended the conversation with him by telling him that I could find him a hostel to live at. I also gave him my address, phone number and six rupees for the bus ride along with an appointment the next day. He said he would definately come and meet me. I was so sure that this is the best thing to do. I thought I was empowering him by not solving his problems but by helping him find solutions by himself and I was hoping that the theatre workshop will work as inspiration for him on a rainy day.

I narrated this incident to a friend along with an explanation on my reasons for dealing with it in this manner. I told him that the reason I did not give Teju more money or fund his education or give him an immediate job was because I didn’t want him to feel that his problems will be taken care of by someone and there is always an easy way out. I said that he will start expecting the world to give and will start taking people for granted.

After listening to my long explanation my friend asked me, “Do you really think he will expect others to solve his problems? What if he does not even live long enough to grow up and expect from people?”

His words left me completely speechless. It is true that children on the streets have a shorter life span due to the lack of nutrition, medication and care. He told me that it is okay to be a problem-solver at times and sometimes it is not. He told me that he still struggles with taking these decisions and gave me examples from his life about times when problem-solving has helped and has not helped.

I have not met Teju again since that day. I went in search of him but his friends don’t know where he is. Strangely they thought that since they have not seen him around, he must have gone to the hostel that I had told Teju about.

My friend’s words resonate in my mind so many times every day. I am scared and worried. I hope I see Teju soon and I hope I can understand how to help someone.

One!

2009-06-17T21:43:00.000+05:30

I bought myself a copy of Richard Bach’s One for my 22nd birthday after hearing a really good review of it from a friend. I personally did not connect much with the way in which the book was written. I felt the writer was overdoing the fiction but the message behind the book is what hit me really, really hard. Three takeaways from the book for me are:

1. “I gave my life to become the person that I am today. Was it worth it?” This is how the book begins and it hit me rather hard. This line has been the ultimate reality check for me since the last few months. The answer for me is a clear no. It’s scary to look back on all those years and find myself worrying about things like marks, boys, money and my dream mansion on an island. I feel angry at myself for buying into the popular norm but this line compels me to make changes NOW.

2. The second thing that I learned is about being in love with someone. When you love someone, you will be in love with that person for all eternity during that phase. If life was a video tape that you watched in retrospect, you will always be in love with that person during that phase of your life. This makes me question the idea of marriage. Love in itself is the ultimate committment. When you are committing an eternity of moments to someone, do you need to prove anything else to them by marrying them?

3. The other thing is that when you love someone, you are basically looking for your own self. You are looking for someone to reflect back a part of you. What makes love fun is that you are keen on being like that person in some ways, so you are looking to reflect back a part of that person.

I don’t know if I am making any sense at the moment. Maybe I will find a better way to explain this concept soon. I am still finding for answers to these questions…. This book has made me feel like a jerk, lost and extremely angry at myself. But this book has made an impact on me. After all everything and every feeling is just ONE!

WTF…

2009-06-16T13:21:00.001+05:30

Recently I have come to understand that prayers don’t work after all. God does as he wishes and no matter how devoted you are to him, he will still do what he wants. This is so true for someone I know.

I recently met a friend from my childhood. We were friends when we were children but lost touch many years back. This is what he has been up to since the last year and a half:

When he was 19, his dad was diagnosed with blood cancer. He was hospitalized for four months in a row. The treatment cost a lot of money; hence my friend left his studies to take care of the family’s needs. He worked really hard and gave up his college life and his youth to a large extent.

A few months back his maid died by falling off the 8th floor of the building when he was caught stealing at my friend’s house. This led to long legal procedures. My friend and his family won the case. All was back to normal when suddenly while he was on his way out of home, the police arrested him on the charge of driving the servant to committing suicide. The case was really strong and was framed by the Human Rights Commission of India. It was blown out of proportion. The entire city knew about it and no lawyer was willing to fight on my friend’s behalf. He was then imprisoned for 18 days at the Bangalore Central Jail. He shared his space with a bunch of rapists and serious murderers. Imagine, a 20 year old man who is wrongly convicted was imprisoned along with serious criminals. His duty in prison was to clean the toilets that were absolutely disgusting. He obeyed most of the time. His stay was filled with abuse, bullying and torture and even though he is a body builder, he could not escape it.

He was finally released on 31st December 2008 but the case still continues. He and his family spend a lot of time going through legal procedures along with a father who is extremely unwell and a bank account that is depleting by the day and in his free time he earns for the family.

When I listen to his story, my eyes fill up with tears. These tears are partly because of sadness, partly because of anger at the universe as a whole and partly because of my helplessness to do anything to help him. I don’t understand how or why anyone can be put though such hard times. WTF??? Really WTF???

A failed entrepreneur?

2009-06-16T10:30:00.000+05:30

During a super inspiring session at the Grassroutes Day 0, 2009 the conversation about youth starting up new businesses/social ventures and then closing them down came up. This is normally considered a bad thing but thankfully I have met two very successful men who have a different view on it. This particular topic is of a lot of interest to me because I am a young entrepreneur who shut down a venture.

I started out my first venture when I was in my first year of college along with a group of friends from a youth organization that I was interning at. It was a life skills training organization for children and was called Seedleads. Like all ventures we started out with a lot of passion and a lot of belief in ourselves. We knew we could take on the world. The first four months were filled with madness and excitement.

But soon reality kicked in. We needed to make money fast. In the fifth month of our existence, the organization that was funding and establishing us decided to shut us down. According to them we were an unsuccessful venture without an earning capacity. That hit us really hard. The only people in the world who believed in us didn’t think we could make it anymore! But strangely this is the defining moment of my life. I still remember all of us sitting at my place on a Sunday morning and drinking chai. Our leader told us that we are shutting down. We were stunned and disgusted at that moment. I then stood up and said, “No, we are not shutting down” and that one statement has changed my life forever.

For the next three months, we saw a lot of ups and downs. We got our first contract with a school. Two amazing people joined the team. But our leader had lost faith in us and left the city for good. That was the second big blow. But we figured out a way. We worked hard, read a lot, slept very little and went out of our ways to network and all this led us to getting a much larger contract in the coming year. We decided to strengthen our team at that moment. The first thing we did was to fire a lot of people. So finally what started out as a team of 22 came down to 3. We were understaffed but we found a way to work it out.

Everything was going well. But something was terribly wrong. The passion had died out in our team. Something inside me would trouble me every night and I soon realized that this is not what I wanted to do. I was scared since I had invested so much time and effort in this and most importantly, this was a part of my identity and parting from it hurt me. But I let go and surprisingly, so did the others.

We shut down as a two year old venture that had worked with 3000 children and formally announced it at a grand party with our friends.

Seedleads taught me a whole lot. It taught me to be assertive, to network and to work smart. But the two biggest things that it did to me was that it taught me the importance of a strong team and how any hard time can be turned around when you love the people that you work with and I learnt the importance of dreams and dreaming big. Seedleads took me closer to understanding what I want to do and it gave me the courage to go against a lot of people and do what I am doing today.

The biggest reward for a man’s toil is not what he gets out of it, but what he becomes from it and this is what has happened to me.

"Better man"

2009-06-16T00:31:00.000+05:30

The song “better man” by Robbie Williams is almost like a prayer to me. I listen to this song only on days that I am felling very strongly or passionately about something and when I am able to mean every word in this song. The lyrics always reinforce in me that there are so many people out there who feel just the way I do at times and that thought is always reassuring.

Here are the lyrics:

Send someone to love me; I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm in pouring rain.
Give me endless summer.
Lord I fear the cold, feel I’m getting old before my time.

As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain.
Lord I’m doing all I can to be a better man.

Go easy on my conscience cause it’s not my fault,
I know I’ve been taught to take the blame.
Rest assured my angels will catch my tears,
walk me out of here, I’m in pain.

As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain.
Lord I’m doing all I can to be a better man.

Once you’ve found that lover you’re homeward bound
Love is all around.
Love is all around.
I know some have fallen on stony ground
but love is all around.

Send someone to love me; I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm in pouring rain.
Give me endless summer.
Lord I fear the cold, feel I’m getting old before my time.

As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain.
Lord I’m doing all I can to be a better man.

I am listening to this song as I write. I feel like I am in a trance. This song is magical!

Watching the world go by…

2009-06-12T22:40:00.000+05:30

I watched the world change around me, some for the better and some for the worse.
But I only watched as the world pass me by,
I was not a part of it.
It drove me insane, the undying change maker in me wanted to be a part of the changing world.
But I only watched, lonely, alone and amazed.
It became a small monster that had me for dinner every night and kept me awake for what seemed like a million nights.

Things got better and I became a part of the change once again.
I was a part of it and I was the reason for change sometimes.

But now it’s that time of the year again, the same month is back and it has brought back the same feeling once again.
There is madness, energy and excitement around me but I don’t think I belong here.

Maybe it’s time I moved on...

Development-but only for a few chosen ones

2009-05-30T21:54:00.000+05:30

An amazing quality that Bangalore has that I have not seen in any other city is that it looks very developed. When you enter the city you can barely see any broken down houses, huts or slums. It gives you the feeling that the city is on the pathway to development . You can be disillusioned easily and be a stranger to the city. The slums are very conveniently covered with large buildings around them so you so can never actually know they exist until you take a walk down one of the smaller lanes. What never ceases to amaze me is that most of the slums that I have seen are located near symbols of progress. The biggest slum in Bangalore stretches for about 2 kilometers and is a little away from the most spoken about mall and the best college in Bangalore. Due to the fancy surroundings it also attracts the big builders hence you can see a mall, followed by some very fancy offices, a large supermarket, apartment complexes for the super rich and the city’s best college and a series of small, almost broken down houses, a large group of children chasing cattle to pass their time (as the school is mostly closed) and so many people dressed in torn clothes. I don’t know how many schools exist in this place but I have seen one. It’s a small school that could accommodate a maximum of 100 children. It barely has a playground and strangely remains closed on most days. The only activity that I have ever seen is a large number of women and children waiting to buy oil from a man with a large can standing outside the school. The school has some beautiful art work on the walls possibly made by the children. The slum also has a vetinary clinic. It’s a very tiny room outside which is a large garbage dump yard. How can health care and a garbage dump live alongside one another in a city that is on the pathway to development? If you walk down a little you will see the biggest drain in Bangalore. Its huge and is so dirty. You will see so many families living next to it. That is where some lovely children are brought up. I wonder if their parents can even think of sending their children to the college behind their home or spending a Sunday evening at the mall with the family being a part of all the noise and celebration.

The people of this slum see development all around it. They also see fancy cars, college graduates, full shopping bags and families eating ice-cream for pleasure. I wonder how that makes them feel. I wonder how they feel about development and I wonder if they feel that they can ever be a part of it.

What makes us create symbols of development and exclude so many from it? Don’t people feel bad about living in a fancy building with a family in a broken hut as their next door neighbors? I wonder how the people shopping at the supermarket would feel if they knew that there are so many families that exist behind that building who have not had a meal in so many days? Will people change if they knew what happened behind their homes and in their city? I really wonder….

A good friend

2009-05-29T23:11:00.000+05:30

Its been a while since I have wanted to write this but have not had the courage to do so. Now I feel I owe this post to one special person, hence I write…

There are certain qualities that I describe myself with- child-like and a believer. Throughout my life these were the qualities that I was very proud of. But then I got to know Sid and realized that he too is a believer and he too is child-like but what makes him different is that he is much more of a believer and much more of a child than I am.

I have known Sid since we were about 6 or 7 years old. We went to school together. Sometimes we played after school together. But strangely I got to know him 10 years after we met. He came down to Bangalore for two weeks. He called and told me that he is in town and wants to catch up. We spoke awkwardly for sometime but broke the ice soon. After that the two weeks that he was here was a blast for both of us. We played UNO one evening. I cheated so much and he played an honest game. He still won!!!!

The one thing I hate about him was the amount of time I spent waiting for him. He once made me wait for an hour and then stood me up! I was angry and I yelled at him. Two hours later, I saw him at my door step with a flower and a card (which said – please preserve this card as I might be late again). He promised me to never make me wait again. We decided to meet the next day and he was late!!! (Some habits never change I guess).

I call Sid the King of Networking. He was one guy who had a lot of friends and he really knew how to keep in touch. He managed to organize a school reunion even though he shifted schools in 5th standard and left the city in 6th standard. The party was amazing. So many of us got back into our old groups and started talking to people whom we had not spoken to in years for a variety of reasons. Sid went nuts taking pictures of all of us that day. One of the last things that he told a friend of mine while he was taking pictures of us when we were standing inside the elevator was- I am taking this last photo of you because I don’t know when I will meet you again. That was the last time they met.

He loved betting and making contracts with friends for different things. We had a bet going on about which one of us would start dating soon. He took this stuff so seriously that he made a very formal, business like doc and wanted me to cut my finger and seal the doc with my blood!!!

The day Sid was leaving, we spent the evening together. We had a really fun time together and he slowly became a good friend and someone I spoke about my dreams to. He had this amazing quality of listening very intently to my dreams and taking them very seriously, no matter how crazy they were. My favorite conversation with him was about getting an apartment for all “cool” people who did not want to get married. We then decided to make it large and thought of buying an entire island for this purpose!

I soon became the person he spoke to about his dreams too. He believed that teachers were the greatest change makers and they were sure to make the world a better place. This was his dream- to teach a bunch of young people. His favorite subject was Math and to him it was like a way of life. He said he learnt everything from Math and wanted to pass that knowledge on.

He really liked one of the paintings that I had made and ended up talking to me about it for a long time after that. That painting now hangs in my living room and it reminds me of him.

He had a severe asthama and used to be really unwell a lot but inspite of the pain, he was still always there to spread joy. They say that the happiest people in the world are the ones who have seen the worst days possible. That was true for him. He knew what pain was, he knew what sadness was and hence always took time out to ensure that other people around him were always happy.

He is one really great guy who has taught me so much. He taught me the importance of keeping in touch with people, the importance of loving people, dreaming like a child and believing with every shred of your existence in those dreams.

Sid died a few months back of a sudden heart attack and left a lot of us really shocked and lonely. I spent a lot of my time moaning in my mind but I now realize that he is right here with a lot of us.. always.

Why I take an hour to eat my lunch...

2009-05-28T12:37:00.001+05:30

I have been a slow eater and all my life and lots of people have commented on this habit of mine. I have heard the following criticism on why I should stop my bad habit:

1. Lunch is to be eaten between 1:00 and 1:30.

2. I am disrespecting food by not eating it soon. (We store groceries for days together and sometimes even months together. How come that does not count for disrespect? )

3. The more traditional people say that when I sit with my plate for long it looks like I am eating a lot of food and a real woman should have a bird’s appetite!

4. People who eat slowly are slow at everything

Here are my reasons for eating slowly:
1. I chew my food (I am surprised to see that many people don’t do this)

2. It’s a good time to think about my life and to find solutions in general to most problems. It is scientifically proven that food and space inspire creativity.

3. It’s the best time to bond with people. People are a lot more kind and understanding during meals. People are generally in a good mood during meals. It’s the best time to get to know people. There is a reason why the Indian culture stresses so much on having food together during festivals. It’s also a good time to bring up the more touchy conversations with people.

4. It is the best time to talk to people about their dreams (talking about dreams is my favorite topic for conversations!). Basically when people are eating, they go into a space of abundance in their minds due to which their dreams are bigger, happier and they are less cynical about them when they eat.

So this is my theory about food and people.

Art therapy

2009-05-27T23:30:00.000+05:30

I recently heard about art therapy and I was curious to know what it was. I researched online and found a large amount of jargon that I understood very little of. Hence, I created my own interpretation of it.

To me art therapy is about being self-expressed. It’s about fining the most suitable medium to share your feelings with the world. You could color out your anger, dance away your joy, sing your frustration out and drum away your fear. It’s about finding what suits you best and being okay with looking a little silly sometimes. Thus, “Art therapy is the use of art mediums to express yourself wholeheartedly like a child, without worrying about looking stupid” -Sonali Gupta (there, I have said it!)

When we feel unwell or stressed, our body is signaling something to us. It could be the want to stay home and relax, dance around, drum like a maniac, paint a picture or just talk to someone. These messages come to us subtly at first and slowly start to intensify. We owe a responsibility to ourselves to listen to these messages but when we continue to ignore them, they make us ill and stop us from moving ahead. Sometimes all we have to do is to just sit down and see this image, listen to that sound and feel this feeling and just then, like a magic moment we know what we have to do. For most of us all we have to do is express ourselves. I have seen these miracles take place in my life and heard so many people tell me that they have been cured from pain by just applying this. A lot of times we say so many words and phrases and we are still not even close to being self expressed.

I call myself an unconventional artist. It’s how I see the world. I painted my first picture way before I learnt how to hold a pen. But the strange thing is that in spite of all these years of practicing art I never really became an artist because I didn’t understand the power of it. I needed to color for myself and for the love of art. I needed to color to express and that's where a little magic began in my life! After that everything that I created was a reflection of me and I created honest work like I had never done before. I became a lot calmer, happier and attentive. I found a way out of a few minor health issues.

After experiencing the magic of art therapy, I started using it in the lives of the children that I work with. I started arranging clay modeling sessions for them. The intention behind this was not to teach them how to mould or carve, it was to help them feel the nice felling of holing clay in their palms and the relief one gets when they play with the clay. The results were amazing. The children who earlier were fighting, aggressive, angry and cranky had simmered down week-over-week since the class began. They soon started to listen more intently to us, concentrate and become more receptive to our ideas. In a few weeks these children had moved to actually displaying life skills. They started working in a team, started helping each other, started to clean the classroom after the sessions and became less self conscious. It was like magic!
It’s amazing that coloring like a child can help me feel free. I hope I am able to create this state of freedom for someone else as well. What if this is the way to cure sickness, agony, anxiety, insomnia, hatred, frustration, stress and so much more. Imagine what would happen to the world if we all expressed ourselves! It might be the end of catastrophes inside us and might be the key to ending the catastrophes that we create in our environment.

This post is dedicated to the man who lives a life of complete freedom and self expression and inspires me and so many others to do the same! He makes a difference to me by just his presence.

Teju

2009-05-27T22:15:00.000+05:30

I met a young adult today. His name is Teju and he is 18 years old. He worked at the hotel near a school that my organization works extensively with. I asked his friends first who he was and this is what they said, “ Neevu yeen kelsa koditere, aavaru madtene. Paapaa, awarge amma-appa illva” (meaning he will do any job that you can give him. The poor boy has no parents). I was a bit confused about what to do but I told him to come along for the theatre production that the school kids have been working on for the past few weeks. He was glad to come along.

I started speaking to him ,however, this was a challenge as I can speak very little Kannada. He told me that he does not attend school but was proud to say that he had attended school till 6th standard. He also told me that people at his work place (a south Indian restaurant ) were demanding too much from him and were making him do a lot of physical labor hence he decided to leave the place. He didn’t have a family or a home to go back to. He also said that he did not have any money and had one rupee in his pocket at that time. He kept asking me over and over again to give him a job, any job! I told him that I did not have any job for him but I could help him find a shelter home. He seemed a little relieved. He sat through the theatre workshop and I noticed that he was listening very intently to what was being said. He seemed really fascinated by the children with disability, especially the little ones with disability. A few of those kids look very normal and it’s hard to guess what is wrong and I don’t know if their handicap was obvious to him (I have recently noticed that children can sense these things!). He just looked fascinated by them.

There are things I can do for him but unfortunately he will have to go through his life’s struggle by himself. He will have to find a job for himself and will have to learn to keep that job. The impractical, inexperienced, problem-solver and child-like change maker in me wanted to instantly offer to fund his education to the best of my ability and find him a hostel to live in (the little experience that I have had in the social sector often leaves me wondering if experience is a good thing!). Unfortunately I have learned not to do that but to allow people to fight their own battles and enjoy the pleasure of winning.

My hope for him is that today will work as an inspiration on any rainy day. Hope that seeing his friends at the play rehearsal will work as a reason or an inspiration for a better life. Whichever job he picks up- at another restaurant, as a coolie,as an assistant to the nearby shop owner or as a rag picker, I hope that today will work as an eye opener for him, that there is a lot to learn in this world and there is a lot one can achieve. I hope someday when he is in deep thought about his life and is reliving all his memories, this day works as an inspiration to go back and study, to find a special someone who truly cares, or to be able to realize what his childhood dream is and become the person that he can respect. It’s my wish and I hope he has been inspired to live a more fulfilling life. I am hoping for a miracle.

Lets do more!!

2009-04-01T13:00:00.000+05:30

I have met a lot of people who have told me that I need not do what I am doing now. I often hear,"The children are getting food, clothing, shelter and basic education. They are already being taken care of. Why are you simply wasting time doing more? "

For some reason people think it is enough to just provide a small meal once a day and that receiving basics is a good enough and receiving anything beyond that is absolute luxury. Food and clothing is such a luxury for those children that provision of education is not even important. But how can anyone provide a child with irreguler meals, dirty clothes, bad infrastructure and mediocre teachers and beleive that the child has been taken care of and does not need anything more?

For a minute think of this child as your own or your sibling's child or your best friend's child. Would you be alright with just food, clothing, shelter and basic education for your child? Would'nt you do everything that you possibly could to find better resources for him/her?

Its not enough to just fulfill a child's basic needs cause you are then setting the child up for failure. The child will grow up one day and will need to find work for him/herself. A child will have to make the choices as all adults would have to one day. This child may also have to compete agaist your own child for a job one day! By giving a child mediocre resources and inadequate opportunities you are building a mediocre adult who is not empowered to do more with his/her life.

Its not okay to just feed a child but to also help him to find his own fish. We need to provide them with opportunities to learn and grow. Opportunities to express and explore. We need to think of them as our own children and give them the best. Who knows that one day it might be this child who goes ahead to live his dream and who knows that this child might actually have the courage to live that childhood dream that you had abandoned?

...and I did'nt shut my eyes

2009-03-06T22:02:00.000+05:30

When I was little and watched movies, I often got scared of fight scenes and scenes that depicted any sort of physical pain or misery. They left me awake all night... worried, wondering, scared and sad. My Mom then told me that I should close my eyes whenever I see such scenes in movies and the monsters will all run away. I started doing that and whenever a visual disturbed me, I would shut my eyes and before I knew it, the world was as beautiful and perfect as always to me.

I noticed that this habit had translated into my adult life as well. Everytime I saw a documentary on people dying, injured or being traficked (I don't know which one out of these three is the worst), I would turn off the television. Everytime a begger passed me by, I would roll up the car window. Every time I heard anything painful in someone else's life, I would tune off.

Last week I decided to put an end to this. I was with my cousins taking a stroll through the marketplace, eating lots of chaat and having loads of fun when a beggar passed me by. He looked like a strong man of 40. He had bad leg injuries and could not walk hence was dragging himself around. For some reason I looked at him more carefully than I otherwise would look. There was something on his face that made me realise that he did not want money or sympathy. All he wanted was to be acknowledged as a human being, to be seen as a person and not just as something dirty moving itself on the road.

I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back and we just stood there looking at each other for a few second. That brief interaction helped me understand the importance of acknowledging people and the difference it can make in my life and maybe theirs. I also realized that for me seeing someone injured and broke just lasted for a few seconds, but for him, that's how he lives his life.

The world will stay the same whether you choose to accept it or choose to shut your eyes. For me, the time has come to open my eyes.